Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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