Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
