i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
