All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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