For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
