Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
