We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
