forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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