you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
