1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
