i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Come on in and take your pants off
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