I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
