I'm passing your future prison.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
