I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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