My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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