Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
