She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
