I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
