I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
