ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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