My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we're so committed to being not committed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
try to milk me bitch
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
