Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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