No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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