How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pants are for mortals
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
