Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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