Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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