Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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