Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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