first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
