Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
