If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
