hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
