Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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