Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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