Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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