at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
