the condom got lost in my hair
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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