The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
