i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
