if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize