i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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