as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
