Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
3pm strippers are depressing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
