One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
