I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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