I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
