I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
two words...techno handjob
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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