what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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