R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
