I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
