dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
