I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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