Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
