I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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