My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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