my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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