apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
