Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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