I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
