Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
