Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
