He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When are your genitals available?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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