A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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