is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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