I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
