9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
