Already got asked if we're dating
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
