Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
