Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
