My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
