Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
