I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize