Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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